Next on the List

mango bread


I am a compulsive list-writer. I live and die by the “to-do” list. Although my home screen is cluttered with those little reminder notes, I prefer making my lists on stark white computer paper in ballpoint pen. I don’t like lined paper; my words can’t fit into those predetermined spaces, their importance limited, obscured by their confinement. I use journals sometimes so I have record of the previous day in planning the next, but I also revel in recycling the printer sheets and starting over — a sign that Day=conquered. I enjoy nothing more than marring the page with my crossouts., moving along like a diligent worker-bee, and adding and rearranging the tasks as the day rolls on.

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Lunchbox Memories

tuna-packed piquillo peppers


tuna salad with mayo, black pepper, and chopped celery. white bread (crusts off, naturally). green grapes. carrot sticks. wheat thins. a peggy lawton cookie

That was my standard elementary school lunch. The memory came to me a couple of months ago when the good folks at Food52 started tweeting and posting “Amanda’s (Hesser) Kids’ Lunch.” Unsurprisingly, twins Walker and Addie eat better than I do on most some days. On a scale from Lunchables to Amanda’s Kids’ Lunch, I think mine sat respectably in the middle. That’s not too bad considering that access to information about “good food” wasn’t as egalitarian when I was that age as it is now (thank you, internet).

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Happy Pockets

great grains muffins


I hate to start this way, but I’m writing this post with a massive headache. I suffer from frequent headaches, and each has its own personality, its own beat. Sometimes the throbbing is constant, my head becoming a marcher’s drum. Sometimes it is latent, and a cloudy haze takes over my brain. Sometimes the eye of the pain is situated directly between my eyebrows, taunting and teasing me to close my lids as I work, fighting it. Sometimes, it spans the back of my head to my neck, as if my brain is sending endless neurological messages of hate down to my feet.

I would never wish chronic headaches on another person, nor would I wish to have more moments of pain than I do, but there is always a silver lining – a pleasant side to the pain. Today, it’s a re-recognition of radiant color that’s putting a smile on my face. While my vision is blurry, the brilliant sheen of the softball-sized red onions and the candy apple red of the scattered grape tomatoes in my vegetable bowl pop today. Usually, their contrast is far less obvious when the other tones of my kitchen are not as blurry and bland.
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Being Resourceful


Last Sunday, I opened the door to my pantry to give it a good scan before I began planning meals for what I knew was going to be a busy week. One look almost made starving look like a desirable alternative. Almost. Baking supplies were jumbled with dry snacks, bottles of oils and spices were tipping over dangerously and cereals were hiding way too many varieties of dried fruit, including a bag of currants which, although properly sealed, was pushing the limit of what “dried” really means. Some more scavenging revealed a discouraging amount of waste. I decided I would just have to eat and eat until my pantry regained some semblance of organization. Not a bad deal.

It was in the relentless pursuit of an organized pantry that I baked this loaf at 9pm the next day after work. When I was sick last month, I opened a gorilla-sized bottle of unsweetened applesauce that was supposed to be used for a cake I never made in October. I choked down a half-cup serving – I’m not a fan of store-bought applesauce – and away it went in the fridge, set to expire 10 days after opening. I had also found a container of old-fashioned oats whose time would be up in a month. And there was Dorie Greenspan, quietly beckoning me to whip out my whisk and spatula with her Oatmeal Breakfast bread, which is composed primarily of these two ingredients.

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Stress Snacks

lyonnaise garlic and herb cheese


For two out of my four years at Boston University, I was lucky enough to live in the Maison Française (French House). Unfortunately, we didn’t speak as much French as we were supposed to. Fortunately, though, my backyard was a walking bridge across Storrow Drive and to the Charles; my room was cramped but fitted with a swanky fireplace with white molding that was boarded up with marble tile; and like proper Francophiles, almost all of my housemates liked to eat good food (well, most of them, anyways). I found it impossible to do work in our living room where study sessions turned to chatter sessions and silent reading meant pretending to read while watching something on our great flat screen. As a diligent little worker-bee, I tried my room, the library, the student union, the College of Arts and Sciences and cafés. So most days, I swallowed my pride, and made the convenient trek directly across the street to Towers, an underclass dorm that made me feel oh-so young. Fitted with two study rooms, though, it was my second home on regular days and my only home come exam periods.

When I entered my study room of choice, I was always greeted by the same faces, pale and gaunt with fatigue and longing for a break. These were some of BU’s most dedicated — a group of which, if I could go back, I wish I wasn’t a part. I missed out on a lot of life in that hall, studying for things that now don’t seem all that important. The souls behind those faces were silent friends. They weren’t the ones you spend time with on weekends but the kind who nod when you pass just due to recognition. They’d often flash an expression that called out, “I know your pain.” I mean, during finals period, I would spend hours upon countless hours with them.

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Let the Fanfare Begin

world peace cookies


Today is December 1st and, for me, the start of the holiday season. Every year through high school and college, I woke up on the Friday after Thanksgiving at 3 am. With the previous evening’s meal barely digested, I threw on my red and black and hightailed it to my job at Staples. There, I was routinely greeted by a line of wide-awake yet far from friendly electronics mavens and eBay aficionados, staring me down as if I had the authority to let all of them in early. There was something very satisfying about locking the door behind me and smiling at the vultures who still had an hour to stew. For some, this tradition ushers in the holiday season, but I subscribe to the Nordstrom philosophy. Can I finish the season of “thanks” before I jump into the season of “give-me?”

Now, I am no Scrooge. When December rolls around, I am ready for holiday cheer. Today, if I walk into a store to find a bell-ringing, velour-suited Santa, I’ll keep my cool. If I hear fa-la-la-la-las on the radio, I’ll turn it up, and I’ll even sing along. And at 22, I will proudly announce that I still enjoy watching “The 25 Days of Christmas” on ABC Family, especially Santa Claus is Coming to Town (it’s a classic!). Judge away. The harvest season is over. My beloved Macouns are becoming mealy. The trees are bare. I can move on.

And I can talk about these cookies.

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Caramel Cravings

burnt sugar ice cream


You may have noticed that I have a “thing” for caramel. Ok, it’s an all-out sticky-icky obsession. Since this little blog’s inception, I’ve talked up a cake that was filled with salted caramel; I’ve eaten caramels filled with goat cheese, fig and rosemary; I’ve hunted down caramel-covered apples; I’ve whipped up batches of caramel buttercream and I’ve coated popcorn and peanuts in the sweet stuff. Things might be getting a little boring around here. Well for you, not for me.

Caramel is, really, a very simple concept. I mean, it’s liquefied sugar. But amber sugar tastes a heck of a lot more interesting than regular sugar and when combined with my good friends butter and/or heavy cream, it becomes a silken delight. It’s so magical that depending on the temperature or “stage” it reaches, caramel can be made into a multitude of distinct confections.

Perhaps caramel, like sky-diving or James Dean in Rebel Without a Cause, is so crave-worthy and attractive because it’s dangerous. It tops many home cooks’ lists of kitchen phobias. Strangely, I take pleasure in watching the colors change from clear to golden and in turning the flame up and watching the smoke rise. When I make caramel, I take it all the way because all of that delicious added fat can hide some of the sugar’s true flavor. I think many fear caramel, because they know that there is a fine line between dark amber and black. Push it. Flirt with it. But don’t reach it. It will give your desserts depth and that roasty, toasty complexity.

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For the Love of Brown

almond flounder meunière


My favorite color is and always will be brown. Brown. Brown is neither dull nor dark. It’s neither one-dimensional nor ordinary. In grade school, I used to fake it. While the girls declared their love for purple and donned their pinkest duds for the first day, I would say I liked blue or something, my neutral and monochromatic ensembles pointing to another affinity.

Brown is the richest of all the colors. It’s the color of the tea that calms my nerves and its usual dark chocolate accompaniment. The French word, “brun,” is essentially an adjective used to describe brown or dark hair, eyes, etc. Coincidentally, it was one of the hardest for me to pronounce when I first started learning. Always having trouble with “r” in any language, English included, I couldn’t fathom jumping from the bilabial “b” to that distinct French “r” with much success. It took years and a French minor to perfect it. Now, I think it’s one of the most beautiful words in a beautiful language. It’s even the name of the only eye shadow that ever tints the lids of my green (unfortunately not brown) eyes.

Brown was the color of the fallen leaves when, two years ago, I suddenly found myself struggling to walk. The shattering crunch they made beneath my feet distracted me from each painstaking step. It was on those walks that I continuously questioned the path I was following. Now, I can run, but I still look forward to their beautiful sound and what thoughts they might provoke.

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